At one point in his career, Marshall Rosenberg was invited to mediate peace talks in a war-torn country. The region had suffered years of tribal violence.
Going into the room, what did Rosenberg do?
He asked a simple question to one of the warlords:
There was silence.
Then, slowly, the man replied—not with a demand, but with a feeling:
That moment changed everything. The room shifted from accusations to listening. Others began sharing what they were needing—safety, recognition, justice. The language of demands gave way to the language of human needs.
Conflict is unavoidable in hospitality, whether it’s with a guest, a team member, or even an owner. But how we handle it makes all the difference.
The key? Approaching issues as something to solve together—not battles to win.
That’s where Marshall Rosenberg’s Nonviolent Communication (NVC) framework comes in.
The Power of Nonviolent Communication
NVC helps us express needs without blame and listen without defensiveness. Instead of reacting emotionally, it breaks conversations into four simple steps:
Observation – What happened? Just the facts, no judgment.
Feeling – How did it make you feel? (Not what you think about it—what you felt.)
Need – What underlying value or need is at play?
Request – What’s a clear, actionable request that moves things forward?
For example, instead of saying:
❌ “You’re always late to your shift. It’s disrespectful to the team.”
Try:
✅ “I noticed you were late the past three days (observation). It makes me feel stressed (feeling) because I need reliability in scheduling (need). Would you be open to setting a plan to ensure you arrive on time? (request)”
“I noticed you were late the past three days (observation). It makes me feel stressed (feeling) because I need reliability in scheduling (need). Would you be open to setting a plan to ensure you arrive on time? (request)”
The “Side-by-Side” Approach
Imagine conflict as art on a wall rather than a tug-of-war. Instead of standing against the person, stand beside them and look at the problem together.
A guest is angry? Acknowledge their frustration and shift the focus to solutions.
A team member is defensive? Get curious. Ask open-ended questions instead of making assumptions.
An owner is pushing unrealistic goals? Find common ground before pushing back.
Bringing It Back to Leadership
Hospitality thrives on human connection. The better we communicate—especially in conflict—the stronger our teams, guest relationships, and results will be.
Nonviolent Communication isn’t about avoiding hard conversations. It’s about making those conversations work.
What About You?
Think about a recent disagreement. Did you focus more on the problem or the person?
How would your leadership change if you framed conflicts as shared challenges instead of personal attacks?
What’s one small change you can make today to communicate with more clarity and empathy?
Take care,
Josh