I’m sitting next to my older sister on a warm and sunny Saturday. The next time I look at her, she’s screaming and shaking her fist. She’s yelling at people in ways that I didn’t know she could yell.
It’s only been a few months since I’ve seen her, but this is an entirely different human than I’ve known growing up. This is also my first time to visit her at school and join her at a Texas A&M football game.
At the time, I didn't realize that people experience the world through different value systems. And in certain environments, those systems shift. And under stress, those systems shift—sometimes dramatically.
That’s where Spiral Dynamics comes in.
The Spiral of Human Behavior
Spiral Dynamics, a framework pioneered by Clare Graves, Don Beck, and Ken Wilber, maps how people think, process, and react based on their experiences and environment.
Here’s the kicker: When people are under stress, they often regress to a more primal level of thinking.
Imagine a guest who is usually easygoing (operating in an advanced problem-solving mode) but suddenly becomes combative when their reservation gets lost.
Or a team member who is typically collaborative but starts shutting down under pressure. That’s the Spiral in action.
Here’s what that means for you:
Some guests are in survival mode. They’re not being “difficult” on purpose; they’re operating from a place of stress. Your job? Meet them there. Slow things down. Offer solutions with reassurance.
Your team isn’t wired like you. Some employees thrive on structure, others on independence. Some process through logic, others through emotion. Understanding their ‘operating system’ helps you lead effectively.
Your own mindset matters. When you feel defensive, pause. Ask yourself: Am I reacting to their frustration, or am I taking this personally? That shift alone changes the game.
Bringing It Back to Leadership
Great leadership isn’t about getting people to see things your way—it’s about seeing where they are and helping them from that point.
Whether it’s a guest at check-in or a staff member navigating a tough moment, your ability to recognize their mental state and adjust your approach is what sets exceptional leaders apart.
What About You?
Think about a recent guest or team interaction. Were they reacting from a place of stress or confidence?
Have you ever misread someone’s reaction, only to realize later it wasn’t about you at all?
How can you better adapt to meet people where they are—without compromising your own leadership values?
Hit reply and let me know your thoughts—I’d love to hear from you.
Take care,
Josh