The Art of Self-Preservation in Hospitality

Have you ever noticed how many of us in hospitality are natural caregivers? It's what draws us to this work – this inherent desire to serve others, to make their days better, to create experiences that matter. But there's an art to taking care of others without losing yourself in the process.

I learned this lesson early in my career at a Fortune 500 hotel brand, when I was suddenly put in charge of our executive escalations team – twelve people handling our most challenging customer situations. I remember my first case. My boss is congratulating me on this new role. And as he’s about to leave my office, he says:

A guest had an awful experience and emailed the CEO. This was something that couldn't simply be fixed with points or a room upgrade. When I got on that call, I was terrified. But what I learned in that moment shaped my entire approach to leadership: the importance of finding solid ground within yourself before trying to help others.

In my years of leadership, I've observed two ways people typically lose themselves in service-oriented roles:

First, there's what I call the "Self-Sacrificing Server." Like a candle burning itself out completely, these individuals serve and serve until they have no energy left to give. They're the ones working double shifts, never saying no, always putting everyone else first – until there's nothing left of themselves to give.

Then there's the "Desensitized Executive." These are the ones who, in pursuit of success or advancement, start turning off internal "breakers" – their compassion, their values, their authentic selves. "I'm going to do whatever it takes," they say, as they systematically disconnect from what makes them human.

Let me share how this played out in my first escalation assignment. Instead of diving into the problem or making grand promises, I chose to:
1. Listen first, without taking it personally.
2. Acknowledge the weight of the situation without getting pulled into the emotional current.
3. Focus on two things:- What we could do to prevent this from happening to anyone else?- How we could genuinely apologize (not "make it right" – because sometimes you can't)?

This approach wasn't just about solving problems – it was about maintaining that crucial space between empathy and self-responsibility. It allowed me to be present for this customer while staying grounded in myself.

Here's what I've learned:
Taking care of others isn't about smoothing everything over. Sometimes, the most caring thing you can do is be intentional, forthright, and clear while maintaining your own boundaries.

Think about a great server at a restaurant. Their confidence and self-assurance actually puts you at ease while they're taking care of you. That's because they understand this balance – they're present without hovering, attentive without losing themselves.

Take a moment today to reflect: Are you burning out like a candle? Have you turned off some internal breakers to cope? What would it look like to find that space between – where both you and those you serve can thrive?

Take care,

Josh