I was twelve years old when my dad and I pulled up to an empty field in our restored 1957 Willys Jeep pickup truck.
We'd spent months bringing that old truck back to life, scrounging through junkyards for parts, learning how each piece fit together.
When we parked in the field, my dad pulled the lawnmower from the truck bed, turned to me, and said, "It's time for you to learn how to drive this thing."
He gave me a quick rundown of how the clutch worked in our four-speed manual, handed over the keys, and then just walked away to mow the field to prepare for a family picnic.
That was it. No detailed instructions, no hovering presence. Just a manual transmission, and the challenge to figure it out.
Looking back now, I realize this moment wasn't just about learning to drive – it was about my dad passing on what he valued most: independence and the conviction that there's nothing you can't figure out. These values became part of who I am, shaping what I want and how I approach challenges.
Are your wants your own?
Here's something fascinating about our wants and desires: they're rarely formed in isolation.
Think about it – you're more likely to envy your neighbor's new car than Jeff Bezos's yacht. Why? Because it feels within reach, it's in your immediate environment, it feels possible.
This is what philosopher René Girard called "mimetic desire" – our tendency to want things simply because others around us want them.
It's like being in middle school again (remember those days?), trying on different identities like clothes – baggy jeans one week, preppy look the next – not because they truly resonated with who you were, but because that's what others were doing.
The Leadership Challenge
In hospitality, this understanding of desire and influence becomes crucial. As leaders, we're not just managing operations – we're navigating a complex web of wants, needs, and unspoken desires.
That tension you feel in a difficult conversation with a team member? Often it stems from unmet needs that haven't been voiced.
But here's where it gets interesting: Just as we're influenced by our environment, we also shape it.
Just as we're influenced by our environment, we also shape it. As a leader in hospitality, you have the unique opportunity to influence what others want. You can help people want things that are good for them, that align with their values, that contribute to their growth.
Strengthening Your Roots
You can't observe an organism separate from its environment – these words from philosopher Alan Watts remind us how interconnected we all are.
But this doesn't mean we're destined to be leaves blown by whatever wind is blowing. We have a choice.
When you stand strong in who you are and what you value, it becomes contagious. Your clarity and authenticity create a gravitational pull that influences others. But the opposite is also true – if you're unclear about what you truly want, you'll find yourself easily swayed by whatever desires happen to be floating around you.
So which will you be – the influenced or the influencer?
The real question isn't just about what you want – it's about how you can align your wants with your values so that you're making an effort toward what you really care about.
This alignment is what allows you to create space for your authentic self to emerge, and in turn, helps you lead others where they actually want to go.
Take care,
Josh